Are Negative Self Talks Holding You Back?

Self talk is a normal human behavior. I would say it an unique privilege for human. Self talk is our inner voice or thoughts which continues to come up in our mind all the time. Self talk can be both positive and negative. Positive self talk accelerates our success whereas negative self talk becomes obstacle. But unluckily human brain is wired to think negative most of the time. It’s our survival instinct.

According to the National Science Foundation the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.

• Nothing ever goes right for me.

• I'm not good at memorizing.

• I’m not so smart.

• I can't communicate well with others.

• I don’t have the talent.

Sounds familiar?

You are not alone. These type negative thought circulates in head of others people too.

These thoughts become belief by circulating regularly and repeatedly for few days, which is tough to erase in later days. Self talk has huge impact in our regular life. A poem of Napoleon Hill describes it well.

If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don’t. If you’d like to win, but think you can’t,

It’s almost a certain you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost. For out in the world we find, Success begins with a fellow’s will: It’s all in his state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are. You’ve got to think high to rise. You’ve got to be sure of yourself before You’ll ever win that prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go To the stronger or faster man, But sooner or later the man who wins Is the one WHO THINKS HE CAN.

Here is my own story. In class 10, I was inattentive in study, specially in math. Math problems seemed harder to me. Result of math exams was terrible. I thought I was not good at 10th grade math. Regularly I thought that. But the main reason was less practice and inattentiveness. Finally in SSC exam I missed A+ in one subject for 2 marks and that's 'Math'. From that time my thought about math turned into belief. Though I did well in HSC level because of giving enough time and effort for math, the earlier established belief made me suffer a lot. Still I am not completely out of mathphobia :)

Now comes the question: How can we handle negative self talk?

You can find many tips by googling. But I am going to share what works for me. You can check which tip works better for you. The most common suggestion you will find is increasing positive self talk.

Obviously it’s important but just positive self talk without believing from mind never works. What you can do is finding out prime reason behind negative self talk. In my case, if I asked myself the reason behind fearing math in class 10, I would get the answers- inattentiveness and less practice. Then positive self talk would be believable and effective for me. If you think you are not good at memorizing, ask yourself the possible reason behind this. You may find less sleeping, noisy environment, awkward reading time, irregular routine, reading without understanding, distractions, not finding your unique style as reasons. Don't just sit idly with negative self talk. Take actions to overcome it.

"Reading Books will not make you smart. watching motivational videos will not make you driven. Writing will not make your thoughts clearer. We are not shaped by these things. we are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves" -Ankur Warikoo

For mastering self talk you can take the help of famous book "What to say when you talk to yourself" written by Shad Helmstetter. You can find the pdf HERE. Read the book or watch summary video on YouTube.

Best wishes for you!

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